The first mistake I made was thinking my disordered father outgrew his narcissism. The second mistake I made was thinking my younger sister's long history of benzodiazepine use did not affect her thought processsing. And the worst mistake I would ever make is thinking both of them would be taking care of mom, since I lived the farthest away. They did not. They took advantage of her dizziness and having trouble with words as a reason to attack her emotionally, financially, and even physically at times. Mom may have been having mini strokes but narcissist father just wanted to present her to others, neighbors, family members, ER staff, as a 78 year old woman who had dementia. Refused to allow the right tests - and just used mom as a source of entertainment and narcissist supply. It has been hell for last 7 months while they hide her, and they found an elderly American doctor who has Iranian history of how women should be treated here in America. Mom has been and continues to be so abused people I speak with just don't believe me. They refuse to believe it is this bad. The Medicare/Medicaid doctor and father and younger sister need to be stopped. No one is helping that happen. Mom's emotional and mental and physical health have gone down spiraling fast. This is quite an urban area. No laws are protecting mom. 13 years ago father was also identified as alleged sexual assault attacker. There is plenty to go around here - but no one bothering to confirm anything because they just want to believe the victim will be dead soon based on what the narcissist husband and the benzodiazepine abuser daughter say is factual. They are vile beings these 3 making believe they are caring for a sick person. There is alot of money involved that I believe my father is promising my sister she will receive if she keeps me away from mother's care (because I can still communicate with Mom when with her and because I know true facts). Sister really believes father will not let her down but his history always shows he cannot be trusted. He always lies, always manipulates in order to attain his own cruel agenda.
My very accomplished Father (re)married a woman who he called his “Dolly”.
After several years of marriage, his dementia became an issue and that is where my story begins….
Dolly was now able to manipulate him in every way which became very obvious….
Dad’s initial intent, and written in his original will, avowed that all the family properties would be transferred to his children upon his death… With that said, Dolly coerced Dad in to selling said properties BEFORE declaring Dad as being incompetent….. She was a smart one that Dolly because if a person is declared legally incompetent they cannot sign sales documents. Once the properties were sold and all funds went in to their joint account, she then had Dad declared incompetent due to his dementia.
Dad became ill and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. The doctors told them that there was still a chance of him living out his life with the cancer. The doctor added the other option of removing the cancerous kidney, but recommended against it due to his age and some other complications. Once again, Dolly coerced Dad into having the surgery…. He told me he was going to be fine and that Dolly said that it was “the right thing to do.”
While Dolly was updating me and my siblings she told us that “she was going to bring him home after the surgery and get him 24/7 nursing care ~ this way he will be more comfortable and able to have his wife and loving dogs by his side”.
After Dad’s diagnosis, Dolly made an appointment with HER attorney to “update” Dad’s will.
The day of Dad’s surgery, Dolly wrote a check for $500K to each of her children. That evening she went to dinner and martinis with a friend. After dinner bought an extremely expensive necklace at a nearby mall…. I’m sure she was wearing that necklace and smiling all the way home.
The day after his surgery, she forged a document withdrawing another $500K from Dad’s investment account and had it transferred to their joint account.
When I visited my Father, after his surgery, he was BEGGING me to untie him from the bed (he was in restraints) and take him home. The hospital would not authorize it as Dolly had specially given them their orders.
She had hired 24/7 nursing care for the first couple of days in the hospital and then let them go. She would not authorize physical therapy or any other recommendations the hospital or doctors gave.
Dad never recovered from the surgery and never went home. He passed away tied to a hospital bed, with a feeding tube in his stomach, wearing a diaper.
Although the details of my Dad’s will have never been disclosed Dolly is now worth $14M.
I saw your article in the Cd'a Press today, Thank you for looking out for the Elderly, My mom was in a situation that they tried to cover up, and since nobody did anything with my mom's Incident, someone else was abused, and it could have been prevented. It makes me sick what happened to both, but it bothers me that there is another Lady in the facility, that I believe is being punished for trying to speak out against the Facility. I have not seen her since I started the process of moving my mom out, I know that this Lady tried to get the Ombudsmen involved and that back fired on her. The people who run the facility are related to each other. If someone goes in to visit this Lady, there are several people that follow them into the room, and listen in. I was told by the person who runs the place not to ever take the Lady to Lunch, that she tries to Stir up trouble. Along with the Manager telling me she's not going to give my mom her meds, given to her from Hospice, because she doesn't want my mom to feel lethargic, I got others involved in that and she was told it's not her call to decide what to give and not to give. My mom has since passed, and I have to be tell you, it's really hard to tell my story, I have a lot of anxiety, and do not deal well with going public with this, I just want you to know, I'm behind you 100 percent, even though I want to stay anonymous. Please know that these facilities, are doing so many things wrong, I have talked to so many people re this facility, and they all told me what my mom was telling me is true, from the food walking out with the employee's and leaving very little for the people in there. when people come to investigate, they talk to the manager, and she just lies to them, I wished they would actually talk to the people in the facility, And the caregivers are told to lie, when I asked one of them about something, I was told, I don't know nothing, the boss doesn't tell us anything. They are told to keep quiet. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
I was a caregiver for a 72 year old gentleman who had dementia. He lived alone. My task was to keep him safe, healthy and help maintain his household. We developed a great friendship. One of my biggest concerns was the onslaught of people calling to ask for donations or gimmicks. Then there were the lawn service folks who took advantage of his inability to make wise decisions. The elderly are preyed upon by deceivers and selfish people who don’t care who they hurt.
My next job was an In Home Health Care Coordinator. I would talk with people who knew their loved one needed extra help but either was too far away or unable to help their parents themselves. I was happy to help the over 500 desperate family members I spoke with. It wasn’t a money maker but the sense of relief on the other end of the phone was worth so much to me. I found out first hand from these callers the situations the elderly were facing, lack of care, being taken advantage of financially, mental and physical abuse or just being lonely.
My mother, 89 at the time, had moved in with us since she too had dementia and could no longer live alone. She lived with us 2 years till her health required constant care. We placed her in an assisted living in N. Idaho where she was chemically and physically abused. Narcotic medications were withheld and stolen, sleeping medications were given when not prescribed and antibiotics critical to her well being were not administered. She was found filthy and extremely upset screaming “Get me out of here”. My husband and I took her out as soon as we could. The next facility was wonderful and she enjoyed her last days in peace. The State of Idaho facility standards took 14 months to investigate my complaint. The state had numerous other complaints about this facility but turned a blind eye to all the complaints. The ombudsman was also complicit by ignoring numerous calls for help from relatives, caregivers, administrators and nurses. We are still pursuing to expose why this gross negligence on the states part occurred. I don’t want anyone to be worried about their loved ones care. Please help support this website with your comments and questions. If you suspect abuse you can give me your information about the abuse and I will do my best to investigate it and get back to you. This is a love offering to those who want the best for their family. We can’t rely on government to respond in a timely manner – nor do they let the families know what they find.
Below is a picture of my dear friend who I cared for, my Mom and Spiffy.